Things that Drive Me Nuts

So I was at a restaurant the other day and saw this on the menu:  "DELICIOUS CHICKEN, A FULL QUARTER CHICKEN!" and stupid me, I'm thinking "Wow, I hope I can eat all that!"  Of course, once the plate arrived I was deeply disappointed because a "quarter chicken" is really just a drumstick and a thigh, which if still connected is not even two pieces.  Man, I could eat 4 of these, but I guess that would a whole chicken.  Well, a weird whole chicken since it would have 4 legs, but that would be a sight to see.

I have the same issue with JUMBO COLOSSAL SHRIMP. Give me 5, maybe 6 of those babies!  Wait - since when did 45 shrimp to a pound equate to JUMBO COLOSSAL?  What am I, a Smurf?  And since I'm on a roll, whenever I go to Starbucks I order a "Tall" which is a "small", and always send it back.  "Excuse me, I said TALL, not SMALL" and then let them try to explain the logic behind their naming scheme.  They can't because IT MAKES NO SENSE!  Would you say "meet my TALL girlfriend" and then bring out a midget, err, little person?  And really, not to be offensive but isn't "midget" a much cuter description than "little people"?

Speaking of offending people, my brother in law actually told a joke that you can repeat in front of African Americans, Homosexuals, Lesbians, Mexicans, even Muslims.  Here goes:

A guy walks into the psychiatrists office naked wearing nothing but Saran Wrap.  The psychiatrist takes one look and says "I can clearly see your nuts".

And that's how we start our Mondays around here.